Ratio of Familiarity

Last night, I had almost resigned myself to the couch and a movie. I decided that if that were to be the state of things, I ought to investigate if there was anyone else that might be destined for the same fate on a Friday night. Turns out, there were a few friends that were interested in also refusing the alluring call of the couch. Upon going out, I introduced my miscellaneous friends and it turned out to be a lovely evening out. Exactly what I was hoping for: a cozy pub, good company, interesting conversation, beer that asked to be sipped, not gulped, and ended in the ever-delicious eggplant frites (with balsamic honey - it's heaven on a plate.).

It's completely worth it to reach out to those outside the normal "crew" of friends and find a good night by connecting people. It's joyful to bring people together, and equally enjoyable to spend time with new faces.

New faces are great ways to invigorate the self, but connecting to new people has to be strategically planned. New people should be introduced in ratios that facilitate a connection. If one person is introduced to a group of people that are already friends, this doesn't create an open passage for meeting. Why? Let me provide you with an example that follows the correct ratio:

Jillian invites her two friends, Fred and Sally out. Fred and Sally don't know each other, but they both have a steady friendship with Jillian. Fred also brings along his friend, Bill - who doesn't know Jillian. When they show up at the bar, Jillian recognizes Bill, an acquaintance she met last week through another friend.

Looking at the above example, all parties involved in this meeting are almost equally distributed in familiarity with each other. Jillian, as the person in the center of the connections, is a pivot point in conversations because she has the ability to lend conversations to the two unrelated parties: Fred and Sally. With the exception of Jillian, each person has at least one person they are familiar with and at least two connections that are unknown.

In the previous example, a person entering a group of people who all know each other, the ratio of familiarity is skewed. The group has no immediate reason to get to know this new person ("I'm surrounded by several people I already know") and the person entering the group has little to connect to ("You are in a comfortable state, I am in an uncomfortable state").

Essentially, a little bit of uncertainly and unfamiliarity helps us build connections with each other. We can recognize that there is an immediate distance and then what transpires during the gathering is an experience that this new group can share and connect to together. There are also the presence of some familiar relationships that help put us at ease. When the ratio of familiarity is balanced, there is a stronger likelihood of developing stronger, more intimate relationships.