Thriving NightLife

There is a painting by Archibald Motley, Jr. called Nightlife. This painting has deep, vibrant colors which seems to indicate an underground society of people. Motley seems to represent these people as they are in the height of the evening, with everyone in the room appearing to be swinging: the band, the dancers, even the bartender seems to have a sway in his hips. The painting is loud and one can hear the music oozing out from it's frame. Some people interpret the painting merely as a representation of the nightlife, while others see it as a demonstration of a marginalized group that is seeking escape from an ironically darker world that exists beyond the walls of the club. I tend to believe that it is both a vision of a nightclub and that there may be some escapism that is represented. But what I love about this painting is that there are characters. The painting evokes the emotions of the characters; Emotions of release, enjoyment, pleasure, beckoning, surprise and mourning.

Dancing, in the classic sense, happens rarely at night clubs. Most people if they want to engage in dancing like tango, swing or salsa, have to seek out these opportunities. I happen to seek out tango dancing and I love this painting because the experiences I have always align with how I imagine the scene of "Nightlife" to be like.

At the tango/salsa nights, there are certainly characters. Each of the dancers have a unique style and personality. Some of dramatic, others simple and technically. The tango is about listening to your partner, responding and connecting with a surface intimacy. There are moments of quick steps and movements, but then slow shifting of weights. The atmosphere is almost always dark and dim candles light the table as dancers switch in and out of partners. But as the night goes on (even to 1am, like in the painting), the tango music ends and the salsa begins. This is the part of the evening that reminds me most of "Nightlife". The floor is cramped, the dancers are quick. The right partners will twirl you about the floor, moving his hips while synchronizing yours. There are crowds gathered about the bar, and groups that sit at tables gleefully or sadly watching the dancers on the floor. Dancers mingle, numbers are traded. The experience of a night dance club is remarkable. It is quite a bit like this painting: hot, vivid, undulating and secretive.

Ratio of Familiarity

Last night, I had almost resigned myself to the couch and a movie. I decided that if that were to be the state of things, I ought to investigate if there was anyone else that might be destined for the same fate on a Friday night. Turns out, there were a few friends that were interested in also refusing the alluring call of the couch. Upon going out, I introduced my miscellaneous friends and it turned out to be a lovely evening out. Exactly what I was hoping for: a cozy pub, good company, interesting conversation, beer that asked to be sipped, not gulped, and ended in the ever-delicious eggplant frites (with balsamic honey - it's heaven on a plate.).

It's completely worth it to reach out to those outside the normal "crew" of friends and find a good night by connecting people. It's joyful to bring people together, and equally enjoyable to spend time with new faces.

New faces are great ways to invigorate the self, but connecting to new people has to be strategically planned. New people should be introduced in ratios that facilitate a connection. If one person is introduced to a group of people that are already friends, this doesn't create an open passage for meeting. Why? Let me provide you with an example that follows the correct ratio:

Jillian invites her two friends, Fred and Sally out. Fred and Sally don't know each other, but they both have a steady friendship with Jillian. Fred also brings along his friend, Bill - who doesn't know Jillian. When they show up at the bar, Jillian recognizes Bill, an acquaintance she met last week through another friend.

Looking at the above example, all parties involved in this meeting are almost equally distributed in familiarity with each other. Jillian, as the person in the center of the connections, is a pivot point in conversations because she has the ability to lend conversations to the two unrelated parties: Fred and Sally. With the exception of Jillian, each person has at least one person they are familiar with and at least two connections that are unknown.

In the previous example, a person entering a group of people who all know each other, the ratio of familiarity is skewed. The group has no immediate reason to get to know this new person ("I'm surrounded by several people I already know") and the person entering the group has little to connect to ("You are in a comfortable state, I am in an uncomfortable state").

Essentially, a little bit of uncertainly and unfamiliarity helps us build connections with each other. We can recognize that there is an immediate distance and then what transpires during the gathering is an experience that this new group can share and connect to together. There are also the presence of some familiar relationships that help put us at ease. When the ratio of familiarity is balanced, there is a stronger likelihood of developing stronger, more intimate relationships.

Day of Nothingness

So, today I sat at my kitchen table and browsed the internet from about 9am - 2pm. I also managed to make a pot of soup, clean my kitchen and make a bowl of Alfredo noodles. In most cases, I would look at this day and think, "My goodness, what a wasted day. I didn't get anything done". But I'm letting myself have this day of nothingness because every so often we need these quiet days of lounging and relaxation. I think that most detrimental element to ourselves on days like these is the little voice in our heads that are telling us, "I'm going to pay for this later".

I will most likely wake up tomorrow and wish that I had accomplished more today, but the best solution for avoiding such internal guilt is to turn off the nagging voice in your head and be okay with relaxing. Make the choice to do nothing -- it will make you feel more empowered and comfortable in the decision. Beating yourself up for the occasional distractions only makes yourself unhappy. Everyone needs days like this.

I'm so grateful that I have this quiet, cozy apartment that allows me to do what I please without someone walking around reminding me that I ought to be productive, or scornfully look down on my choice to make food in place of writing an important assignment. My "me" time is all mine - and it is long, silent, peaceful, nothing but "me" time.

Lists

I love lists. I'm a chronic, avid, compulsive list-maker. Why do I love lists so much? Here is a list of why I love lists:

1. Lists allow me to put ideas, thoughts, actions in one comprehensive place. Each thought is clearly defined in it's individual way, but also belong to a group of others that are exactly like it.

2. Lists make sense of jumbled thoughts. It's too hard to keep tracking of everything and lists divide jobs into management steps.

3. Lists are easy to read.

4. Lists can be long or short.

5. Lists can be formal, or scrawled on a scrap piece of paper.

6. Lists can push you in the direction of action. They are generally not meant to sit around, but to cross of items that henceforth offer a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.

7. Lists are wonderful reminders for the forgetful or absent-minded (like myself).

Recently, I've been contemplating the items that I've "claimed" I can do because I'm single, but I'm not sure I've actually done any of them! So, ladies and gentlemen, here a list of items that I resolve to put to action.

1. Travel alone at a moment's notice.

2. Cooking exotic foods .... and possibly fail.

3. Go to a movie by myself.

4. Spend extra money on something frivolous (like a drop-dead gorgeous dress).

5. Move out of the state for a job.

6. Buy some... ahem, toys.

7. Find time to volunteer for an organization outside of my career.

8. Talk to more strangers.

9. Develop an additional circle of friends.

10. Join couchsurfing.com and host people.

11. Develop a "second-life" plan - aka what I'm going to do after my first career.

12. Learn how to change a tire.

Hm, this is a pretty good list and also fairly "cross-off-able". I'll occasionally be posting updates on the progress. There are probably even more that I'm forgetting about (hence the need for the list), so please, add any thoughts in the comments section! Extra points if it is in list-format.